Living in Fear

I took off early on friday afternoon, because nothing was going on here at work. Now its monday morning and as i sit at my desk i wonder if the powers that be even noticed. Pretty much everyone was involved in picking their hockey pool players and my supervisors had either left for the afternoon already or were on a conference call to toronto. so i left. an hour early. i dont think its a big deal. either i sit here and play tetris online or go home. either way i wouldnt be working b/c there was nothing to do! i was done! (see previous post as to why...)

now i'm worried if i post this will they read it? probably not. hopefully not. most definetly not.

crap. here comes the boss...i guess we'll find out now! guaranteed i wont be bringing it up :)

Monday's here!

And I'm bored. You would think that having a long weekend would cause the days following to be heavy in the 'catch up' department, but dammit! I'm too organized. Thats my problem. My desk calendar is my best friend and is currently covered with upcoming movie schedules, courses, dates for when the toronto big wigs come in and thats just all work stuff! and we're only halfway through the month of april.

I'm coming to realize that its not so much an organizational issue I have, but a control issue. Thats the main reason why I quit drinking. The control I let go and didnt have over myself once I started scared me. The stupid decisions I would make while under the influence put me in some pretty awful situations. The phrase 'there but for the grace of God go I' rings like a foghorn through my mind when I think of those days when I was 'fun' and 'happy'. I wasnt. Plus it wasnt fun anymore. When your only entertainment for the night is not the fact that you're drinking, its you putting a $10 bill on your forhead to get the bartender to leave the scantily clad hot chick he's flirting with at the other end of the bar to serve you a drink...it became boring. And thats the last thing I want my life to be. Boring. I think living in Swift Current for a blink of an eye kind of shocked me out of that. It was either that or working for the CBC. Either way it cured me of wanting to be an alcoholic or a reporter...or both!

I've often thought about what would've happened if I had taken the job with the CBC. Where would I be right now? But being in Swift Current when the Graham James hockey scandal broke and having to ask the locals sensitive, probing questions left a very foul taste in my mouth. Probably b/c I'm a private person myself. I know I wouldnt want those questions asked of me. Let me deal with my pain privately. I dont want it splashed across the front page. I dont want my words to come back to haunt me. I dont want everyone knowing everything about me.

Oh the control issues find a new venue...rar!